Have You Asked Your Athlete What They Don’t Want?

 

If you've ever tried to do any goal setting or planning for the future with your athlete, you may have struggled to help them hone in on what really matters to them. This can happen whether they're simply trying to prepare for the upcoming softball season or debating which colleges to apply to in the fall.

If asking your athlete what they want elicits a blank stare, it may be helpful to shift the question to ask your athlete what they don't want. Here, TrueSport Expert Betsy Butterick, a coach and communication specialist, explains how to talk to your athlete about their goals and dreams, and how to reframe negatives into positive action steps.

Use What Your Athlete Doesn't Want to Find Out What They Do Want

Setting big or small goals can be daunting for young athletes. Asking young people what they want is hard, especially if they live day to day and don’t think much about the future. But most athletes have a good grasp on what they don't want, so in many cases, it’s better to ask about that to kick off the goal-setting discussion.

“Getting clear on what your athlete doesn't want creates greater ease and greater accessibility to goal-setting, especially with young people,” says Butterick. “For example, a college coach that's asking their freshman athletes about the legacy that they want to leave at the school may find that the young athletes are uncertain and struggle to come up with answers. Often, you'll hear a lot of athletes say that they don't know. Here, it can be beneficial if you flip the question and ask what they don't want to be remembered for. Based on their history, whether in or out of sport, any person of any age can be very articulate and clear about what they know they don't want based on their past negative experiences.”

For example, after asking this question, a response from a young athlete could be as simple as, “I don't want to miss so many free throws.” It could be more generalized: An athlete may respond, “I don't want to get to the end of the season and wonder what could have happened if I just tried harder.”

Use What They Don't Want as Limiters or Filters

There's another way to use what an athlete doesn't want when it comes to goal-setting, and that's by using what they don't want as filters to make a decision, which can then illuminate a goal. Here, Butterick gives the example of a young athlete struggling to pick a college or university. “If we're talking with young people who have the desire to go to college, often, they don't have a school in mind right away,” says Butterick.

In that case, instead of beginning with what schools your athlete wants to go to, start by narrowing the options. “Think about geography. Are there any states or parts of the country or types of weather that your athlete doesn't want to experience? Cross those off the map,” she says. “Is there any school size that feels too big or too small? Finding out what they don't want gets us much closer to what they do want.”

Once the list is narrowed down, it may become clear what kind of school your athlete wants to attend, and with that information, you can help them plan to have the best possible academic and athletic application.